4th May 1950

What did the fat kid do when he lost his candy? He'll cry.
And,


So do me. Right now.
4th May. Today is Abah birthday.
He should turn 68 today.
But he is not in this world anymore.
I felt ashamed by myself. I tried to find his good looking picture on my hard disk to post it in instagram. Just as an appreciation and showing people how much I missed him. But sadly, I couldn't find any. There were thousand of my photo with friends. More with my boyfriend. And too less and countable picture of my Abah. But only 8 picture of me and Abah together.

"That's why you rarely opened iphone 4 folder. You knew it would be upsetting to see those difficult moment of your life. Or, precisely the countable picture of your late father? Shame on you. You manage to join the trip to Penang while he is sick. You still having a date when he's there home unconscious, lack of breath while waiting for you. Shame on you ungrateful child!"

If...




If only I could turn back,
I would.
And I will.
Be there.
For him. For my future regret. I will surely being by his side.
"I love you. I'm sorry. I'm here. I'll be good."


I am flooded with tears typing this.